There is rampant immorality in the State of Florida, what with all those dimpled and pregnant chads. They used to call them "chits" when I was a girl. But that is neither here nor there. All this publicity generated by both candidates about this subject is not helping one bit. They should be setting an example for our young people. Why I remember when my mother used to make me fill in my dimples with makeup cream so that I wouldn't attract the wrong kind of non-church-going boy with evil thoughts in his mind. What is this world coming to?
From: The President of Yugoslavia
We were all set to send peace-keeping troops to Florida to oversee a fair and open election. We Serbians are dedicated to the free expression of the will of the people. You Americans seem to have settled this matter on your own. Congratulations! (But our forces are constantly ready and alert to deal with these situations in the world.)
From: Al Gore
It has been brought to my attention that certain Dade County election officials (whose party affiliation will remain nameless) blunted the needles used to punch out the holes in the ballots. This action, if true, is a vile dirty trick that should not be tolerated in a civil society. As my last act as Vice President, I have appointed a special commission to look into this matter.