The Academy of Arts and Imbecility

Faculty Members

Most of our faculty members function in the Academy via the Internet. However, there are some permanent residents and departmental heads.

  • Grobius Shortling, of course, Founder and Chancellor
  • Donald ("Fishe") Fitz-Fischer, Vice-Chancellor
  • Genniver Burnheart Fitz-Fischer, Executive Secretary and Administrator
  • Celius Shortling, Head of the Foreign Branch
  • Susannah Uselbean, Admissions and Art Department Chairman
  • Professor Swound, Science Chairman
  • Dr Bartel Sands Flushing, Theoretical Physics (Dumb Beams)
  • Prof Waldo Immerzian, Mathematics and Philosophy
  • Ms Lucilla Media-Trumpet, Stage Director (having returned to us after a silly quarrel with Swound over the swimming noodles in the soup)
  • Artimando Firbolg, Resident Poet and Layabout
  • Ludovic Monscalpo, Department of Economics (although we don't have one), and part-time bartender
  • Prof Anton Svledic, Chairman of the Cooking School, Biologist, and Anthropologist
  • Porpentinus Cripplewort, Chairman of the History Department, if he is still alive
  • Julio Luigi Lefkowitz Herlihy, Chairman of Poli-Sci and NY City Affairs
  • Rt Rev Rabbi Elnardo Rosencave, Religious studies and Chaplain
  • Festus McCoy, Anthropology and Culture (off-campus field investigator)
  • Shirley Tiegstadt, Phys-ed and Happiness Councillor
  • Budleigh Salterton, Crippled Skunk Animal Shelter administrator
  • Señor Umberto Trujillo, Linguistics (well he shows up every now and then)
  • Dr Paulo Militis, Medical Department
  • Juan Esperanto, Games Master and Building Manager (currently on leave)
  • Senator Joseph Lavezzo, Political hack and lobbyist for our cause (and PONY)
  • Alan Belzabub, Resident Drunk and Pontificator
  • Matilda Mitherglew, Cook and Clerk of the Faculty stores (and 'butler' of the Common Room)
  • Nadia Draghonian, Groundskeeper (with her guard dogs Mug and Pug)
  • Pontius ("Olivier") Pilot, Janitor and Factotum, general handiman
  • Polyphemus Powderwig, is on the books, but we don't know what he does
  • Hideaway, Resident Cat (as are Harry, Maude, and Basil)
There are, of course, many more associates who contribute to this Academy. The actual campus, in fact, dwells on an Aptiva computer in Nether Brooklyn, not in the real Piscataway NJ -- if that locale had such a fine site, I'd move there in a flash.

Would you like to become a faculty member? Please write to us using the Useless Form.

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